She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
