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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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