he was CRYING into my vagina
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
