Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
My pussy is not your playground.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
