I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
