Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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