i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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