which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
