What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
