Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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