I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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