Screwed.edu
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
