lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
