I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
