Someone shit on the floor
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
