Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
