I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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