Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
