so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
that is very illegal...i love you.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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