So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
