I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
