god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
