I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
