I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
There's always time for handjobs
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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