Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
