he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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