and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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