You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
