WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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