as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
