I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
