A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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