i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
