Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
