She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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