so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
