Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
