i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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