Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
