I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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