I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
