she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
