Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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