I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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