at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
