She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
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