I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
