He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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