I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
