Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
