I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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