these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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