There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
