Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
