Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
